paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there's paper in my vomit.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
