There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
