If i come over, it means nothing
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
