and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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