So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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