She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
