Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
