As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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