Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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