Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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