think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You can't just leave with hair like that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
