Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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