We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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