1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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