and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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