OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
