I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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