I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
