she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
