these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
