Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
