Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
