i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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