I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
