..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
