I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
