You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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