WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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