found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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