somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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