we made out on top of his cat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
