just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
