so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
