i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
