I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
