I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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