the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She bit a glass in half.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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