my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
