Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
