i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
