i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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