I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
