they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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