i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
