Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
