I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
