Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
