Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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