great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
