mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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