Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
