party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
