He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
