you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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