I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
