Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
