Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
